I'm Pam Newman.

I am awesome every day & you are too.

Ask me!

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I'm a writer of aricles, poems & songs. Here's some cool stuff I wrote.

duessa:

daleksdontcry:

mammalingo:

I just want to take a moment to recognize a group of people who don’t get thanked enough. They’re friendly and generous and kind of old school. They’re the Candy Bowl People. They’re the people who like to keep a bowl of candy at their desks all year round — not just on Halloween. And the candy isn’t even for them. It’s for other people. They just want to feed others. We give them shit. We take the candy and then we say things like, “Why do you do this to me?” “I shouldn’t!” But, they persevere. 
November 1 is a big day for them. Candy sales! Happy Candy Sales to the Candy Bowl People!

I’m totally a candy bowl person…..no one even offers to fill it up

When I still worked, I had a big bucket filled with hard candies (and some soft peppermints, because a few people really liked those). I dunno why, I just like giving people candy.

I am a candy bowl person, and I only have top notch candies at my desk, thankyouverymuch.

duessa:

daleksdontcry:

mammalingo:

I just want to take a moment to recognize a group of people who don’t get thanked enough. They’re friendly and generous and kind of old school. They’re the Candy Bowl People. They’re the people who like to keep a bowl of candy at their desks all year round — not just on Halloween. And the candy isn’t even for them. It’s for other people. They just want to feed others. We give them shit. We take the candy and then we say things like, “Why do you do this to me?” “I shouldn’t!” But, they persevere. 

November 1 is a big day for them. Candy sales! Happy Candy Sales to the Candy Bowl People!

I’m totally a candy bowl person…..no one even offers to fill it up

When I still worked, I had a big bucket filled with hard candies (and some soft peppermints, because a few people really liked those). I dunno why, I just like giving people candy.

I am a candy bowl person, and I only have top notch candies at my desk, thankyouverymuch.

FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD, SON. TRADER JOE’S MINI PEANUT BUTTER CUPS ARE THE BUSINESS.

FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD, SON. TRADER JOE’S MINI PEANUT BUTTER CUPS ARE THE BUSINESS.

The Pam Newman Diet*

Candy for breakfast, a salad and nachos for lunch and two 16 ounce beers and two frozen waffles for dinner!

You’ll be telling bitches exactly what level of hell to go to, writing hilarious articles and make working folks jealous of your funemployment in no time! Get those swim trunks, boys and get your bikini’s ready, ladies, because you’ll be ready to not give one, single fuck after a few weeks of the Pam Newman Diet.

*The Pam Newman Diet makes no claims to actually helping anyone lose weight. In fact you’ll probably gain weight. The two beers are interchangeable with coffee past 6pm, diet coke and/or diet coke with vodka. No responsibility is taken by the Pam Newman Diet or its partners for the sleep you miss because you’re drinking so much caffeine after a reasonable time.

Please consult a doctor, or better yet, a mental health professional before you take diet advice from someone with no nutrition background other than eating all of the veggies off of her plate as a child.

npr:

Ready to say goodbye to a sliver of your Snickers? And how about a slightly slimmer Mars bar? By the end of 2013, chocolate-maker Mars says all of its chocolate bars will be under — or right at — the 250-calorie mark. (via Goodbye To The King Size: Mars To Downsize Candy Bars In 2013 : The Salt : NPR)
Photo: John Rose / NPR

They don’t give a fuck about the calories. I’m positive this is an attempt to save a couple million bucks in candy-content. Less candy, same price.

npr:

Ready to say goodbye to a sliver of your Snickers? And how about a slightly slimmer Mars bar? By the end of 2013, chocolate-maker Mars says all of its chocolate bars will be under — or right at — the 250-calorie mark. (via Goodbye To The King Size: Mars To Downsize Candy Bars In 2013 : The Salt : NPR)

Photo: John Rose / NPR

They don’t give a fuck about the calories. I’m positive this is an attempt to save a couple million bucks in candy-content. Less candy, same price.

I am gonna get a LOT of work from this client.

Dudes, the heat cooking my brain and the utter lack of sexual activity in my life is Freuding out on me.

I’m working on an article for a client and very professionally explained how, “sensual eating a lollipop,” and other hard candies can be.

lol

WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?

WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?

(Source: somethingfabulous)

We envision it as ‘Lord of The Rings,’ but set in a world of candy.

The co-writer of Candy Land: The Movie — an actual thing that’s being made — on his upcoming project.

The Lord of the Rings. In a world of candy.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS IN A WORLD OF CANDY.

(via entertainmentweekly)

Don’t disapoint me, Candyland producers.

UGH. I am really committed to this diet… but my reproductive organs are demanding a chocolate-covered tribute!
This is a cry for help. Help getting this candy into my mouth!
(The click-through link is really not helping. I think I am intentionally torturing myself.)

UGH. I am really committed to this diet… but my reproductive organs are demanding a chocolate-covered tribute!

This is a cry for help. Help getting this candy into my mouth!

(The click-through link is really not helping. I think I am intentionally torturing myself.)

nola-darling:

pluralisms:

keatscommajohn:

kungfucarrie:

tin-boxes:

Just found out these are banned in the US:
Kinder Eggs are a German candy egg. They have a milk chocolate shell, a white chocolate layer below the shell… and then a hollow center where there’s a little toy. Kind of like fortune cookies, if they were more delicious, less preachy and way more of a choking hazard.
It’s that whole “choking hazard” part that keeps them out of the U.S. The Consumer Product Safety Commission says they’re not safe for kids and, therefore, not allowed here.

HOW DO YOU HAVE CHILDHOOD WITHOUT KINDER EGGS
(via 11 points / The Daily What)
petitefeministe replied:
OH MY GOD WHAAAAT?!
I KNOW
somesortalefty replied:
No Kinder Eggs! What about Cardbury’s Creme Eggs?
Creme eggs aren’t a choking hazard :P
mrsplinks replied:
WTF?! JUST…HOW?!?! They can’t be serious, can they?
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission must hate children!

 This is the first time I’ve ever seen/heard of these things.

THEY HAD THEM IN ENGLAND AND IT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST EXPERIENCES OF MY TIME THERE.

the convenience store near my apartment in SF had these near the register, illegally imported from somewhere or another. i used to buy them all the time but i lost all the toys but one, a weird little blue rhino. 

children would riot if this happened in germany omg, i collected all te toys i got over the years

OMG I would take this over a cadbury creme egg anyday. Those things are fucking nasty. Take them off the shelf and choke some stupid kids.
I mean, hello? It would help solve our financial crisis if we offed a few kids with a choking hazard or two.
I swallowed a penny when I was like 7 or 8. I’m still alive!! Survival of the fucking fittest!

nola-darling:

pluralisms:

keatscommajohn:

kungfucarrie:

tin-boxes:

Just found out these are banned in the US:

Kinder Eggs are a German candy egg. They have a milk chocolate shell, a white chocolate layer below the shell… and then a hollow center where there’s a little toy. Kind of like fortune cookies, if they were more delicious, less preachy and way more of a choking hazard.


It’s that whole “choking hazard” part that keeps them out of the U.S. The Consumer Product Safety Commission says they’re not safe for kids and, therefore, not allowed here.

HOW DO YOU HAVE CHILDHOOD WITHOUT KINDER EGGS

(via 11 points / The Daily What)

petitefeministe replied:

OH MY GOD WHAAAAT?!

I KNOW

somesortalefty replied:

No Kinder Eggs! What about Cardbury’s Creme Eggs?

Creme eggs aren’t a choking hazard :P

mrsplinks replied:

WTF?! JUST…HOW?!?! They can’t be serious, can they?

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission must hate children!

 This is the first time I’ve ever seen/heard of these things.

THEY HAD THEM IN ENGLAND AND IT WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST EXPERIENCES OF MY TIME THERE.

the convenience store near my apartment in SF had these near the register, illegally imported from somewhere or another. i used to buy them all the time but i lost all the toys but one, a weird little blue rhino. 

children would riot if this happened in germany omg, i collected all te toys i got over the years

OMG I would take this over a cadbury creme egg anyday. Those things are fucking nasty. Take them off the shelf and choke some stupid kids.

I mean, hello? It would help solve our financial crisis if we offed a few kids with a choking hazard or two.

I swallowed a penny when I was like 7 or 8. I’m still alive!! Survival of the fucking fittest!