I'm Pam Newman.
I am awesome every day & you are too.
Follow my butt on Twitter!
I'm a writer of aricles, poems & songs. Here's some cool stuff I wrote.
Reasons number 1 - “I’m Too Lazy” why I’ll never be an Olympic Champion
Candy for breakfast, a salad and nachos for lunch and two 16 ounce beers and two frozen waffles for dinner!
You’ll be telling bitches exactly what level of hell to go to, writing hilarious articles and make working folks jealous of your funemployment in no time! Get those swim trunks, boys and get your bikini’s ready, ladies, because you’ll be ready to not give one, single fuck after a few weeks of the Pam Newman Diet.
*The Pam Newman Diet makes no claims to actually helping anyone lose weight. In fact you’ll probably gain weight. The two beers are interchangeable with coffee past 6pm, diet coke and/or diet coke with vodka. No responsibility is taken by the Pam Newman Diet or its partners for the sleep you miss because you’re drinking so much caffeine after a reasonable time.
Please consult a doctor, or better yet, a mental health professional before you take diet advice from someone with no nutrition background other than eating all of the veggies off of her plate as a child.
Celebrating Pam Newman’s Birthday: You’ll be doing it right.
Yes! You will get the job and move to NYC like me and then we will find a couch (where I do not know) to sit on while we smoke jazz cigarettes, suggestively tweet Iwan Rheon, and eat all the nachos. Speak it into existence!
THY WILL SHALL BE DONE!
I can even see the couch. It is mauve, and it exists in a 3rd floor loft in Manhattan, and nobody’s struggling to pay the rent. Takeout is on the way, and a bottle of wine is on the floor, sweating from how awesome everything is.
How are you spending Festivus/Christmas Eve/The 4th & 5th day of Hanukkah/Friday/Saturday? (Trying to make this applicable to time zones, too. It’s already the 24th on a lot of the planet.)
I’m going to try and get some work done while I drink beer, eat nachos and interactin’ with my TumblFrinds.