I'm Pam Newman.
I am awesome every day & you are too.
Follow my butt on Twitter!
I'm a writer of aricles, poems & songs. Here's some cool stuff I wrote.
I’ve been friends with my BFF, Leighann for almost 15 years.
Leighann is my exact opposite. She is very neat, hates computers and is kind of an introvert.
But she is such a good person, and because we are opposites, we get along famously. She’s a certified consoler, and is essentially a PhD away from being a doctor of psychiatry. I really enjoy talking to her about behavioral theory.
Anyway, I just told her about some of my plans for the rest of the year. It’s all music shit, and it is all very much a gamble. It’s scary, because I am riding the monorail on the poverty line. Not to even mention that the payoff for this line of work isn’t exactly something most people experience. Sometimes I get really scared and wonder if I’m taking an irrational gamble with my life. I really believe that I can do it, but there are so many other factors aside from my ability to entertain a group of people that my success dangles from.
Amidst all these worries, my best friend told me she was proud of me for following my dreams.
That made me so happy, you guys. She is proud of me, and believes in me. She doesn’t have to, but she does. That lights up my dark nights brighter than a million lighthouses. This person who I’ve known since 8th grade transformed her life. She went on to her masters degree dispite familial, financial and all the social hardships that a young, black, lesbian woman experiences. She’s a fucking bad ass, and she believes in my fluffy dream of being a rockstar. She supports me and believes I’m gonna get there. That makes it even easier to see through all the clouds, and remember that even during a thunderstorm the sun is still shining.
My latest Rockstar In Training article about the Musician’s Roundtable at University of Louisville is up on Afropunk.com! Click through and check it out!
I read an article that inspired the living hell out of me today. The article wasn’t anything at all current, and it was definitely a tabloid article.
There was a quote at the end of the article which shook me like an ink pen in front of a TV screen when it looks all bendy. It was about making people disappear using power and money. Ghosts using Power and Money to shut people up or make them not exist.
I’ve been having a rough time lately doing the self-aware ballencing act of self-worth, motivation and creativity. It’s hard trying to do the right thing for yourself sometimes, man! Even worse than that, I’ve got nothing to compete with and nobody to prove wrong!
There’s something in my chemical makeup that keeps me motivated for all the most obnoxious reasons. I have to prove to myself that I can do something just as well or better than so-and-so. I have to prove what’s-her-name wrong in that I am totally capable of doing x.
Well all the people who were my most consistent naysayers are out 100% of my life. Even on Facebook! As calming as that is for my psyche, it’s doing absolutely nothing for my sing-songy ”Na-na-na-na-na-na,” workaholic inner child.
When I read that someone who’s already rich and famous recognized that there are people who legitimately do make people disappear, I got PISSED. I’d basically spent all day today with either a guitar, nacho chip or smartphone in my hand and some degree of pillow folds embedded in my cheek. I got the fuck up post haste, and started making a plan.
I will not be disappearing.
Not that I actually have disappeared. I mean, you have at least a vague idea of who I am. My friends haven’t lost touch with me. But I still feel slightly brushed under a rug for reasons I don’t really talk about on the internet anymore.
Thus, I shout from the closest and easiest to climb rooftop, ”No!”
No, Ghosts of Power and Money! I will not, to paraphrase the character Nathan from Misfits, “Be doin’ no dissapearin’,” and you Ghosts of Power and Money can expect to see me trending on the celebrity tag on Tumblr for some music I made sooner than later.
My latest Rockstar In Training blog is up on Afropunk.com!
From my article:
Hell yeah, you guys! I got some concrete things done for my Rockstar career this month! After writhing around on the floor moaning, “Woe is me, the tortured artist!” last month, I was able to stock up the energy to really get to work! I joined a couple of professional music industry organizations and made some of my newest songs mine, legally. I played a gig where I inspired a new musician and played a couple of my new songs out for the first time! I even made a little rough demo/sample recording of one of my newest songs called “Cinder Girl,” which will be featured on my upcoming album, “The Awesomest of Them All!”
I really tumblr’d it up in this article. There are pictures, an associated youtube video and even a song! Check it out and give it a Facebook like if you’re into that sorta thing. <3
Aww, yeah! Feels like 500lbs of tapioca pudding, man.
I’m excited! Jupiter is making a fancy gallop through my chart, and it’s supposed to do some wonders for me. Jupiter is normally a nice planet to me.
There’s a lot of work I need to do that involves other people, which has been a large source of why I’m presently at a standstill. I mean, I could release an album that’s just me and the guitar, but that’s definitely not the sound I’m going for.
I need a dedicated guitar player (for live shows, and ‘cause I want the guitar on the album to sound better than how well I can play) and a drummer. I’ve got at least 4 people who play bass who have said they’d love to either play live, on the album or both.
I just want to get this ready so I can put it on iTunes and have a regular income. Ya know?
The songs are awesome, and I’m exposed to a lot more people professionally now. I just need a little bit of help.
I really want to play the Afro Punk festival in August, and I know I’ll be ready by then… but I want people to know now that I’ll be ready then. Plus, it sure would be reassuring for me.
Stress? Just a little bit.
Can’t wait to see the ball start rolling this week!
From my article:
It would be in really poor form for me to bring this shit up to my friends working at jobs they hate, and expect them to give even the smallest of fucks. I mean, imagine if I was your, “Professional Rockstar,” friend (who hasn’t earned a cent from one recording yet). We’re hanging out and I come to you complaining that I’m so stressed out over my own internal pressures. Mostly just some paranoia about perhaps taking a gamble on something that won’t be profitable. All of it seasoned morbidly with some over-driven, success-obsessed perceptions that the good music I’m writing might actually suck. Meanwhile they’re living fairly comfortably under their mom’s roof, eating home-cooked meals for free. Yeah, I’d tell me to kiss my ass too!
Check out the entire article on Afropunk.com!
I really want to be a musician because I know it will make me happy.
I have a sweet technical skillset which I could apply. I could do a job I hate and be hate life.
We Americans spend more time at work than we do at home, awake.
We Americans spend more time at work than we do at home, awake.
I could spend that time making a living wage. I could also get intoxicated before work just to make the office filled with drones and sociopaths tolerable and party 5 nights a week to compensate for how miserable I am for 40 hours a week.
Or I could perform 5 nights a week and make people dance. I could unite an entire group of strangers for an hour and make their blues history!
My happiness and the potential happiness of the people who I know will eventually enjoy my album is so much more important than any of that 9-5 social status business.
Music makes a difference. When I perform I feel right. It’s so cheesy but it is what I feel like I’m supposed to do.
I want to make people dance and laugh and be happy and forget about their messed up circumstances for a minute. I want to write lyrics that will inspire people to kick those circumstances to the curb and create a world for themselves that they don’t have to be asleep to enjoy.
It’s such hard work, but I know it’ll pay off.
I can’t wait to make people happy by just enjoying myself every day.
To better understand the process of being a creative professional, this week I undertook the role of the “Tortured Artist.”
I laboriously threw myself into writing a couple of new songs, finishing old ones, and then my least favorite part, recording rough demos of them. I even wrote some sad singer-songwriter-esque shit. UGH.
I was miserable, too. I’m still financially, um… just like everyone else in the country. That is a bummer, among other first-world stresses.
Not being able to get immediate reactions from my creations which I haven’t copy-written yet is also wigging me out. I mulled over whether the newer songs were any good, blah, blah, blah, all that “I have to make it better than ever,” and “It has to be the greatest thing I’ve ever made,” bullshit.
That’s where the awesome every day, kicks in, though. It’s gotta be awesome, even if I feel like eating my own brain.
I’m an overachiever by nature, so I have to always want it to be harder, better, faster, stronger, si?
Being a tortured artist is glamourized, and sexified in the media. The boys always smoke a lotta weed and drink booze, and they’re misunderstood geniuses and ALWAYS hot. Well guess what? On the real, being a tortured artist fucking sucks.
I think I finally figured out what I’m gonna write about for Afro Punk. I might as well reap some kind of benefit from being a Tourtured Artist this past week. I owe them an article in the past-tense. Whoops.
TORTURED, I TELL YOU!
I suddenly have 10,000 music things I’ve gotta do.
Some things (ie: the two articles I promised Afropunk.com this week) need doing because I am a Professional Procrastinator™. Others are because, well… I must have cashed in that lucky streak somewhere.
Yay! I’m getting busier!!!
Of course write lyrics, write music, re-write, refine and practice-practice-practice is a part of my usual shtick.
I’m hosting an open mic tomorrow at a pizza shop. It’s one of my favoritest gigs. It’s actually a little bit like a job-job, but with a lot of having fun & a few minor responsibilities. Let me tell you, responsibilities tend to lose their charm after they can vote. I also get to enjoy a small no-cost-to-me feast before I get to workin’!
Getting paid to have fun, eat & drink beer. Isn’t that the American dream?
And golly gosh gee if both of my guitars aren’t on the fritz. Ah, Mercury Retrograde, how you make everything a little more exciting. My acoustic guitar head was already pretty far gone, but my electric guitar’s input jack is jacked up royally. I know how to fix it, I just don’t have a screwdriver tiny enough to get in there and make it happen.
That’s the name of my forthcoming solo album!
So much joy and happiness is coming out of this, it’s crazy. Licky actually coined the term “The awesomest of them all,” as a reply to something I posted a few months ago. I loved it so much that I decided to make it the title of my first solo album! And with some tears of joy and her blessing, it is official!!!
I’m really hoping to sell this album nation-wide. Not just on the interwebs, but in stores too. It’s going to be a LOT of work, but I feel confidant about the songs I’ve been writing, and I know my stage show is AWE-SOME and delicious.
So I’m not worried about people enjoying what I have to share. In fact, I’m excited to get out there with the band I’m assembling and rock people’s faces off.
It’s going to be real rock music (OMFG) about real-to-me topics with a little fairy godmother sprinkled on top.
I drew up some concept art of what I’d like the cover art to look like. It’s going to be so cool you guys. But first, I’m going to record a studio-quality single of a new song you guys haven’t even heard yet. IT IS GONNA BE SO COOL. I can’t wait to share it with you.