I'm Pam Newman.
I am awesome every day & you are too.
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I'm a writer of aricles, poems & songs. Here's some cool stuff I wrote.
When sex becomes a production or performance that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partners’ body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goose bumps, and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other.
If you think sex should be spontaneous, you’re probably putting up with mediocre sex…If we want fast food – we get McDonalds, but if we want a beautiful meal, we take time poring over cookbooks, buying ingredients, creating a nice atmosphere and preparing. The same goes for having great sex.
Just finished watching Louis C.K.’s Beacon Theater performance and I agreed completely with the way he described sex as it is for men and women and why women want to cuddle after sex.
I hope no ex’s read this shit but if they do maybe they’ll feel inspired to do a few things differently.
Louis was saying that the reason women want to cuddle after sex is because they are still horny and they’re not DONE. I laughed so hard in agreement because that’s exactly what’s been happening for me.
I get that guys feel they’re really putting in a lot of work when they’re thrusting their hips with the intention of thumping against the uterus in some blind hope that it’s exactly what the girl wants, but I think they should use that energy more effectively.
It seems to me that men think that the harder and faster they rub anything, the more effective their strategy. And when that happens, you can’t really just lay flat and be like, “No, I won’t reward this with a moan at all. I should have washed my hair earlier but I guess I’ll just wash it in the morning.” Instead, you end up being super nice and making it seem like every time they glide a rough finger over your delicate surface, they’re erasing every man who came before.
The worst moment, for me, comes right after he loses his breath for a second and pulls away quickly to lie down. Sure, some stuff felt great, but I’m still in this sad sex limbo place where I wonder for several minutes if I’ll get to feel whatever it is that he felt. And after another few minutes, it becomes clear that no, I will not get to know such joy, not that night.
Not every man is like that. There are some that don’t even have to be your boyfriends to be super comfortable with asking you to request whatever you desire. I really appreciate those dudes, and since I’m too shy to say a lot of stuff out loud, I put in my order ahead of time using google talk and then I go pick my shit up later. ;)
I bolded some things.
When I was about 19 or 20, I was a nerdy anime girl. That summer I went on a road trip with some of my nerdy anime friends from Philadelphia to Boston.
There was a girl on the road trip who smelled like sex, and the honey in her pot was to be mine! I made sure we sat together in the car, defended her honor where required, made great conversation. I even let her sleep on my shoulder. We talked a lot about anime stuff, because that was what was incredibly important at the time.
When we got to the home of the spoiled twerp who’s home we were staying in (an entirely different story filled with angst, me telling him to go to hell, and other fun plot elements) there weren’t enough beds and couches for everyone to have their own. Some people opted to sleep on the floor, but I wasn’t having that shit. Hot sex-smell girl said she’d share a bed with me.
THE FIX WAS IN!
So we had sex, and lots of it. Awkward, I’ve only been doing this for 2 years and girls are still new to me, what the fuck is a clitoris and do I even have one, sex. She put purple hickeys ALL OVER MY NECK. They kinda hurt.
Anyway, we did it every night, and it was fun anyway.
Then the trip was over. Boston was okay.
Me and sex stink hickey girl talked online for a while, discussed maybe meeting up (she lived kinda far from me) but never did.
Maybe about 6 or 7 years later, I see this woman online, and she is saying familiar things to me. I am one of those people that often is either remembered falsely by someone else because my brown skin makes them think I look like some other brown skinned woman, or I just fucking forget who people are. So I’m chatting with this woman, talking about stuff, and I totally don’t remember her NAME (I still don’t, tbh, but I DO remember her screen name. Am I a piece of shit or what?) until she reminded me of the boston trip.
Oh boy. The internet, man.
I just realized that I haven’t been on a date in over a year. If you want to get semantical about what a proper date is, It’s been even longer. I haven’t been in a committed relationship since 2009.
No relationships so far this decade.
I really don’t care that I’m not in a relationship right now, and I’m not just saying that. I do, however, miss sex. I miss it a whole lot. Sometimes more than others, but I can deal without sex, too.
I do miss having a partner in crime, but that could be anyone. I don’t need to be in love to hang out with someone on the regular. It’s a nice benefit and comes with hugs, kisses and cuddles, but *shrug* with my inability to do fact-checking before I jump into the deep end of committed relationships, a couple years of downtime could do me some good.
Kidskiddingkittens, you should read this book.
From Amazon.com: “In this wide-ranging examination of the emotional and physical relations between humans and the inanimate objects of their desire, AI guru Levy (Robots Unlimited) first addresses the question of love with robots, and moves on to consider the mechanics of actually having sex with them.”
I was told by a guy who I briefly found myself VERY attractive to (and presently has a girlfriend) that I exude a strange sexual energy.
I wish someone had told me that shit when I was 22!! I know that now, but I didn’t know it then.
Anyway, it’s confidance boosting, because I’m not always feeling sexy like anyone who gets a period once a month.